The happy post.....

I am still trying to figure out a format and also get everything out. I want to use this blog to express myself. Even on good days, like today. What I mean by good days is feeling well enough to do stuff or doing stuff even if I don't feel well enough to. My husband and I were both sick on Valentines Day so we are celebrating today slash as I type. We went to supper and now at a coffe shop relaxing drinking latte out of "Friends" sized cups. Even though we are on our phone we are peaceful enjoying each others presence. Killing time before our movie later, which is the new Deadpool movie. I feel better now that I have eaten some food, the headache and feeling of fainting is gone. Now all there is to do is enjoy this night. Not think about how I feel ot how I'm going to feel tomorrow. It is hubby and wifey time. Two people in love forgetting themselve and there problems and just have fun together. Days like this gives me hope and I know with my husband by my side I will have many more days like today. Knowing that gets me through all the other junk that has filled my life. So expect more "happy" posts in the future. You have to take the good with the bad and make it through life the best you can.

Until next time here is to more good days for all of you too,
Cassie Walker

It's time for your treatment........

I have given a short summary of how my Crohns effects my life, but now it is time to get a little clinical in here. My medication list so far is small compared to others, but give me time and inflammation I'll catch up quick. Right out of the gate I was diagnosed with moderate to severe Crohns. They put me on the steroids that shall not be named and humira. Here is an interesting fact I have a needle phobia. My mother or husband injects me because there is no way I could do it. I don't feel the needle. I feel the horrible pain when the medication starts to go into my leg like sand paper with glass all over it. That my friends is for another day, or ever two weeks to be exact. I stop taking my humira after three months. I vowed to never take steroid again. They only help when I was on them and I ate everything in sight so when I stop taking them all that food came back to bite be in the lower intestine. My husband also was very scared of me because of the extreme anger in all. I then tried a more natural some may say holistic approach. Which helped my constipation I've had since I was born and just made me feel better. Except my Crohns symptoms. I think if my Crohns was a little milder it would have work but my immune system is a little to sadistic for the soft and cuddly approach. I went back to my GI doctor and he started me back on humira. Also lower dose of the steroids that shall not be named. Which ruin my 8 month run of being completely gluten free. I know gluten free is very taboo but it did help me feel better. Also my flare up weren't as severe. I have been on humira almost a year now and I think I could be close to remission if my mouth would stop eating things. I am a self diagnosed food addict. I am thinking about going to a nutritionist to get that into check to help the whole malnutrition thing. They say humira though is something you will take forever or until it stops working. It is hard to image me doing this for the rest of my life. I got so overwhelmed by it all the other day I missed a dose because I kept having panic attacks trying to get my shot. I knew I had to take the next one so I called my GI nurse and she said she would give it to me. I went in there and she just gave me the shot. I was hyping it up in my head so much I couldn't take it. The one I just took wasn't as bad, my mom said ready I said no and she pushed the button.  The only other medication I am on is hydros for painful flare ups and nausea meds for severe flare ups. I try not to take them unless I really have to because I am scared I am going to get addicted to them, and just be another statistic of chronic pain patient abusing pain meds. I felt like that the last time I went to the emergency room for a really bad flare up. A note is I have only been to the ER three times, when I was first diagnosed got my pain shot, second was another severe attack and couldn't get ahold of GI doctor so I went in got my pain shot, and third was another severe attack but this doctor didn't treat Crohn with pain meds. He would only give me a shot of steroids. I was throwing up every 5 minutes and balling my eyes out in pain. My mother was with me and asked if he could give me anything for the pain we didn't care what it was. He said that is not how he treated Crohns. I told him I am not here for you to treat my Crohns I am here for you to take this pain away. I have been in pain for almost 9 hours now. He did give me a nausea pill so I could stop throwing up so I could take my hydros. Which he gave me another prescription for even though I told him I already had one, but I couldn't get one pain shot. Whatever I am not a doctor I guess. Ok rant over. I know now how easy it would be just to take pain meds all the time. Once again that sweet relief we are all chasing washes over me like a cool breeze. All that pain gone. I catch myself enjoying it way to much. Why should that make me feel guilty? I am tried of being in pain, so when I am not I enjoy it to the fullest. I still only take them when I absolutely have to. I think on that note I will end it there.

Until next time I hope none of you have a reason to take the "good stuff",

Cassie Walker

Lets keep this party going, shall we.......

My problem will not be thinking of something to write, but not writing to much at once. Today alone there have been many thoughts I could elaborate on for this blog. Guess what they all have to do with Crohns, shocker I know. Most of my day is thinking about my Crohns and how my future will be effected by this disease. So for the sake of not ramble I'll pick one of those thoughts for todays blog.

February 8th of this year I took my first real vacation since my diagnosis. Not just a weekend a few hours away, but a 8 day trip to Las Vegas. I was supposed to go on a cruise in February 2015, but I was too sick to go. I planned that vacation couple month before my diagnosis.  This Las Vegas trip was more then a vacation, it was my destination wedding. Yes I finally got married after six years with my husband. Who by the way has been handling this Crohns thing better than me most days. The first few days I didn't eat to much. I had to only take my pain medication one day, because like many others the constant bombardment of liquor and delicious food got to me. I for some reason thought maybe on the other side of the country my Crohns would behave enough to let me be a normal bride celebrating her big day. Even if the Crohn would have been on it's best behavior I had a chest cold the whole time, so that kind of ruined it as well. No major flare ups though, and I did have a beautiful wedding. I was ready to come home, and so was my husband who got sick at the end of the trip, maybe my fault who knows :).

In less then two month we are going on our honeymoon cruise. Which we are using the "store credit" we got back from our last cruise. My expectation on fun are not high, because I usually eat my self into a food coma and drink every fruity drink I can get my hands on. I'm thinking though that plan will give me a one way ticket to the biggest flare up of my life. I have to find my new travel identity. How I am going to contuine to love travel in spite of Crohns. I don't know how I am going to do that when I feel I haven't even found my new identity at home. I don't want Crohn to takeover my life, but lets be honest it already has. I am still a wobbling baby deer trying to get my footing. Maybe accomplishing one will help with the other. Figuring out how I can still have fun and live life to the fullest, and have Crohns. I am worrying that going to school and getting a big girl job is a waste of time, because I am sick all the time, how will I hold down a real job. Even if I fail at it, knowing I tried in the face of all the possible negative outcomes will be enough. I rather fail than wonder if I would have succeed if I at least tried. So I am going to fake it until I make it. Get up put a smile on my face, even if I all want to do is lay in bed until the nausea goes away, even though it usually never does. I am going to go on vacations, go to school to better myself, have kids and know that joy, and just get out of bed everyday knowing I am doing my best living a life with Crohns.

Until next time I wish you luck as you try,

Cassie Walker

Here goes nothing

My two year diagnosis anniversary is coming up soon. Not sure how I feel about this yet because I feel like I have been sick all my life. I was still an active normal kids, but slowly as I got older I just couldn't shake the constant feeling of just plain awful feeling. A little under a year before my diagnosis I would get what I thought was the stomach flu once a month. Until February 2014 when it lasted over a week. I made an appointment with my primary doctor and she told me I had IBS. She gave me medication to take next time I had a flare up.

I had one and the medication did not help. I never have experienced pain like that before. I had to go to the ER, where they gave me pain and nausea shot. Those shots were the sweet relief I was looking for. They did a CT scan of my pelvic region. They found that the end of my illium, where my small intestine and colon meet, was severely swollen. When the doctor came in the room the look on his face had me convinced I was dying. He looked at me and said I'm sorry to tell you that you have Crohns diesease. I felt relief.

I know i said relief! I like many people had no idea Crohns was more the stomach aches and diarrhea. I feel silly now for even feeling that way, because let me tell you two years in relief is all i want to feel again. Since there is no cure yet I think we are all right now just searching for the relief. Some would even just take one day. We all know that one day of relief is never enough when those symptoms start coming over you like a wave a terror. Just a slight stomach twinge can make me break out in tears. Thinking please no don't let this be another flare up. That is my struggle now, not just getting my body through Crohns but my mind as well.

Until next time I wish you all some sweet relief,

Cassie Walker