My problem will not be thinking of something to write, but not writing to much at once. Today alone there have been many thoughts I could elaborate on for this blog. Guess what they all have to do with Crohns, shocker I know. Most of my day is thinking about my Crohns and how my future will be effected by this disease. So for the sake of not ramble I'll pick one of those thoughts for todays blog.
February 8th of this year I took my first real vacation since my diagnosis. Not just a weekend a few hours away, but a 8 day trip to Las Vegas. I was supposed to go on a cruise in February 2015, but I was too sick to go. I planned that vacation couple month before my diagnosis. This Las Vegas trip was more then a vacation, it was my destination wedding. Yes I finally got married after six years with my husband. Who by the way has been handling this Crohns thing better than me most days. The first few days I didn't eat to much. I had to only take my pain medication one day, because like many others the constant bombardment of liquor and delicious food got to me. I for some reason thought maybe on the other side of the country my Crohns would behave enough to let me be a normal bride celebrating her big day. Even if the Crohn would have been on it's best behavior I had a chest cold the whole time, so that kind of ruined it as well. No major flare ups though, and I did have a beautiful wedding. I was ready to come home, and so was my husband who got sick at the end of the trip, maybe my fault who knows :).
In less then two month we are going on our honeymoon cruise. Which we are using the "store credit" we got back from our last cruise. My expectation on fun are not high, because I usually eat my self into a food coma and drink every fruity drink I can get my hands on. I'm thinking though that plan will give me a one way ticket to the biggest flare up of my life. I have to find my new travel identity. How I am going to contuine to love travel in spite of Crohns. I don't know how I am going to do that when I feel I haven't even found my new identity at home. I don't want Crohn to takeover my life, but lets be honest it already has. I am still a wobbling baby deer trying to get my footing. Maybe accomplishing one will help with the other. Figuring out how I can still have fun and live life to the fullest, and have Crohns. I am worrying that going to school and getting a big girl job is a waste of time, because I am sick all the time, how will I hold down a real job. Even if I fail at it, knowing I tried in the face of all the possible negative outcomes will be enough. I rather fail than wonder if I would have succeed if I at least tried. So I am going to fake it until I make it. Get up put a smile on my face, even if I all want to do is lay in bed until the nausea goes away, even though it usually never does. I am going to go on vacations, go to school to better myself, have kids and know that joy, and just get out of bed everyday knowing I am doing my best living a life with Crohns.
Until next time I wish you luck as you try,
Cassie Walker
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